Loving someone who doesn't want you

When someone doesn’t want you – Art Garfunkel

She doesn't want me, she doesn't care,

I've tried so hard to let her know, but she doesn't see me there.

What else can I do When Someone Doesn't Want You?

The picture's painted, I've been denied,

The artist couldn't fit me in, there wasn't room for me inside.

What else can I do When Someone Doesn't Want You?

All of us want to be loved, appreciated and respected. One of the hardest things in life, is to be caught up in a one-sided relationship. You feel that you do all the giving, and you get nothing back in return. You feel the passion, your heart skips a beat every time you look at your loved one, but they feel nothing. A one-sided love affair is soul destroying, it consumes you like a cancer, making you depressed, lowering your self-esteem. You feel worthless. So then, why do we do it? Why do we stay in a relationship where our love isn’t reciprocated? Why do we stay with a serial cheater?

The simple answer is that many of us believe that if we love someone enough, then we’ll win them over. Convert them to our side of the fence. We might buy them gifts, agree with everything they say even when we know they are wrong; or start to like the things they like in an attempt to be their soul mate. Sorry guys, it ain’t ever going to happen. There’s a reason why you guys are only friends and nothing more. Sometimes, they might just view you as an acquaintance, rather than a best friend. Or even worse, they think of you as a bad habit that they can’t shake. But one thing’s for sure, if you keep trying to demonstrate your love for them in a valiant attempt to win them over; you’ll come across as needy and not emotionally independent.

Most of us get irritated and annoyed by needy people. Life is too busy and we just can’t be bothered. So, what do we do? We treat them badly to try and make them ‘un-love’ us. If you set yourself up as a doormat, then people will wipe their dirty shoes on you. Is that what you want for yourself?

If you are stuck in a one-sided relationship, my advice is this. Stop trying so hard to win them over. Don’t act desperate and needy. Distance yourself a little, become emotionally independent, act like you don’t need their love. Respect yourself, love yourself, and if necessary, move on. There is someone out there, besides your mother, who’ll love you for who you are. If you stay stuck in a one-sided relationship, you’ll create unnecessary stress upon yourself, as you try whatever you can to impress the other person. Forget about impressing them, impress yourself. Be emotionally strong and self-sufficient, and who knows, the person you love might be so blown away with the new you, that they might start pursuing you. If that happens, play it cool and reel them in slowly like a fisherman who’s hooked himself a big fish. I wish you all the best in life and love!

Cindy

This is a Guest Post from Cindy Vine. She is a teacher and writer currently living in Tanzania at the foot of Kilimanjaro. She has written a self-help book on relationships called Fear, Phobias and Frozen Feet which is available on Amazon.com. Cindy’s fiction books deal with both family dramas and abusive relationships. Stop the world, I need to pee! The Case of Billy B and her latest book, Not Telling. All are available on Amazon.com. You can follow Cindy’s blogs on http://cindy-vine.blogspot.com; http://cindyvinesrelationshipadvice.blogspot.com or find out more about Cindy Vine and her books on http://cindyvine.com.

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My Ex Boyfriend wants me back

‘My Ex Boyfriend wants me back. What should I do?’ These are words from a mail one of my readers send me two days back.I personally feel that the ‘what should I do’ is a question she should ask herself and not anyone else as she knows her ex boyfriend better and the reasons for the break up.

I am sure many people have been in the same position like her. The decision regarding if to go back or not depends on the circumstances the break up happened and what the guy is doing to get back to the girlfriend. Many times couples split because of misunderstandings but when it gets cleared they get back to each other. Some times after the breakup the couple comes to realize how much they mean for each other and want to get back together. But many times the break up happens because of serious reasons like abuse, disrespect and cheating. In such a case ask yourself

Do you really think that your ex will change?

Are you willing to take the risk of getting hurt again in case he does not change?

Why does your ex boyfriend want you back?

Has he genuinely realized his mistakes and would not repeat it again?

Do you genuinely think that you would be happy with this guy?

Consider the consequences of your action, weigh the pros and cons and then decide if you should go back to your ex boyfriend or not.

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How do I know that he is the one for me?

How do I know that he is the one for me? That is a question many of us seek an answer to.

Many women in love are interested to know if the person they love is really the one for them. There is nothing wrong in looking for 'the one' or 'Mr. Right' to share your life with because there can be nothing worse than getting married to the wrong man. You think with your heart and not with your head. But, how do we know that he is the one?

Love is a wonderful feeling where everything appears rosy and lovey-dovey for you. However, the following tips may help one to determine if he is 'the one' for you.

He listens to you: He listens to you when you talk and genuinely takes an interest in things you say. When you need guidance or support he is there for you. He is also comfortable talking to you about everything.

No need to compromise or change: You do not need to compromise or change for him. He accepts you as you are and you can be yourself with him.

You are comfortable with him: He knows each and every aspect of your personality and still loves you with all your negatives and positives.You feel comfortable being with him and you can be yourself without pretences. He makes you feel good about yourself.You can discuss things about your past and also about your future with him and you can visualize a future with him. You can visualize getting older with him.

You trust him: You trust him with your life and know that you would be safe with him. You share a natural chemistry with him that the people around can see it clearly.

He remembers all the special moments: He never forgets days important to you. He also has a good memory when it comes to your memorable moments together like your first date, when you first met or your first kiss.

You love him the way you are: Whether is perfectly groomed or does not look him you love him the way he is and your admiration never ceases. You are comfortable talking about things he does with your close pals and family.

He Enriches Your Life: He enhances the quality of your life. His support and encouragement makes you a better person. He has your best interests in mind.

He Pampers You: He pampers you and shows his love and caring in a several ways that you are special to him. You can feel it in his eyes and the way he looks at you.

He would be there for you even if you would not be in a relationship: He would be your true friend even if he is not your boyfriend or fiance.

You share a common ground and interests mostly.

You are Part of His World: His family, friends and co-workers know you.

He Sacrifices or take troubles for you without considering it as a burden and without complaining.

Many times when we meet women in successful marriages we often hear that they just knew that 'he is the one'. Finally, If you follow your instincts then you are likely to know if he is the one or not for you.

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Wrong Reasons for Staying in a Marriage?

Can there be wrong reasons for staying in a Marriage? 'Yes' is the answer to the Question.

Not all marriages are made in heaven. A marriage in order to be a happy one takes a considerable amount of work from the side of both the couples. There are many couples who stay glued to their miserable and unhappy marriages for various reasons. While there are people who get divorced even if there are chances to save the marriage because it is the easy way out many couples tend to stick to their marriages even if they are miserable and not happy with their relationship. Given are top 10 wrong reasons to stay married.

Staying Married for Children: Many couples are obligated to stay married even if they are in a loveless marriage because they think that a Divorce can affect the children adversely and 2 parents is better than one. Even if they have fallen out of love with their spouse most parents prefer to suffer instead and not part ways as they love their kids and would not want to cause any harm to them. But what they forget is that their frequent fights, behavior with each other and other indifferences can affect the kids too. Just because you have children does not mean that you should suffer miserably in a relationship you don't want to be in. Moreover, by staying together in an unhappy marriage you are teaching your kids that when they get married even if things go wrong they should not go for a divorce but prefer to suffer in the relationship. Think again, is that the example you wish to set for your children?

Staying Married for Financial Security: Money is a great motivator when it comes to staying in miserable marriages.Mostly Woman tends to stay in such marriages because of the comforts and perks they get in the husbands house. The same applies for a man who survives mostly on his wife's income. But one thing they forget is that no amount of money can buy love or happiness. Staying together for money is one of the stupidest things anyone can do!

Staying Married because of Guilt: Many men and women stay in marriages because they feel guilty that they have ruined the other person's life, especially in love marriages. Even if they have fallen out of love with their spouse or fallen in love with someone else they prefer not to let their spouse know about it by staying married. What they forget is that they are being unfaithful and only troubling themselves and not doing their spouses any favors by keeping them in a relationship with someone who doesn't love them anymore.

Staying Married to prove that their choice was right: This happens mostly with couples who have opted for love marriages against the wishes of their parents. When things turn sour they keep the pretence of a happy marriage in front of others to prove that their choice was not wrong and that they are happy with their choices. What they are forgetting is that they are only causing more pain to themselves by doing so.

Staying Married to Honor the Vows: Many couples stay in unhappy marriages because they are made to believe that marriage is forever. It would not be wrong to say that there are many who stay glued to their Marriages because of the marriage vows that marriage is a life time commitment and they are married for better or worse. Staying with someone you don't want to be with because it's expected of you by your religion or community would only make you to suffer more pain and grief.

Staying Married because of low self esteem and loneliness: Many times low self esteem can prevent people from taking the right decisions. You can't blame them because they do not know their worth and do not realize that they can do better. Many men and women with low self esteem even lose hope that they could be happy at all.Women especially tend to find emotional security in their marriages. Even when the marriage show signs of an unhappy marriage there are many people who do not opt out as they are lonely and have no parents or friends to turn to. They find security in their marriage and would not want to step out of their comfort zone even if they are unhappy.

Staying Married because they do not want to be like their Parents: Many Children who have suffered the effects of Divorce of parents stay glued to their marriages because they do not want their children to suffer the way they did or want to be like their own parents.

Been forced to stay together: Many times couples are forced to stay together in marriage because of society pressures and pressures of family or relatives who are worried about their reputation than the feelings of the couples who are miserable and suffering the effects of an unhappy marriage. Remember that you are the one who is suffering and you have the right to rectify the condition.

Staying Married for Property or Assets: Many times, the couple would have build together houses, purchased property or build business together which they are both attached to and would not want to give up for any reason.

Staying Married is less expensive: Some Men feel that staying married is less expensive than getting a Divorce especially if they have to shell out huge alimony settlement for opting out.
I feel that all the above reasons are bad enough. I have personally witnessed some of my friends who were divorced from their miserable first marriages find a very contented and happy second marriage. So, if you are in a marriage for wrong reasons, think again. Is it really worth to be in an unhappy marriage?

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Reasons Why Going Back to an Ex may be the wrong choice

There are plenty of Articles and e-books all over the internet offering relationship advice on 'How to get your Ex back'. It may be tempting to get back to an ex because you are lonely or because you do not want to stay single, but getting back to an ex is not always the best decision. Majority of times this reconciliation with an ex only ends up with a bigger breakup and hurt later. After breakup a relationship requires more trust and care to make it work again. You cannot make someone to change or love you by force; it has to come from the heart of the person. If both the couples cannot wipe out the differences, improve yourself and work together in making a relationship better it is better not to get back with an ex. Many times, it is observed that a relationship is never the same again after a break up. Here are some reasons why Why Going Back to an Ex may be the wrong choice.

You broke up for a reason: You had problems with your relationship which did not work at the first place. It is tempting to go back remembering all the good things about the relationship and ignoring all the bad things and hurt or going back on the hope that your boyfriend or girlfriend would change. But if you have not fixed up the problems which has caused you to breakup I think it is foolishness to get back with your ex.

You need to move on: Time and Tides wait for no man.Believe that the break up happened because there is something better in store for you. Staying glued to your past would only cause you difficulty to move forward in life. Even though you have broken up with you ex you are still at an advantage. You have learned from your mistakes in the relationship and this experience can help you to make your next relationship better.

The relationship would never be the same again: Once the trust in a relationship is gone it is very difficult to re-establish it again. If it is infidelity of an ex, lying or addictions which has resulted you in parting would you be able to trust him or her completely again? Moreover, it is the human mentality to cause hurt to the person who has hurt you. Even if the person has changed and you got back with him or her because of that it is only natural to remind the person the reasons why you two spitted earlier during fights.

Life is too short to be wasting: Did you get back into the relationship hoping that your ex would change? Are you still in a miserable relationship hoping that some miracle would happen and then you would live happily ever after? You may see such things happen in Movies but they are far from reality. People do not change that fast. People can change their outward appearances or can pretend for some time. But unless the transformation has not happened from the heart they are bound to show their true colors soon. You do not need someone whom you need to change but someone whom you can accept as they are. So it is better to look elsewhere than trying to change your ex or stay in the relationship hoping that your boyfriend or girlfriend would change one day.

You could not keep him earlier: If your ex was the one who broke your trust and resulted in the breakup, what is the guarantee that he won't do it again? As the saying goes,' once a cheat, always a cheat'. It is observed that people whom you trust too much are the once who mostly break your trust. Also forgiving a person for infidelity or abuse can make a person think and take it for granted that you would forgive them again.

Breaking up or recovering from a break up completely can be a hard thing. But if you remove the old relationship clutter from your life, it is not hard either. Believe that you have a better life in store and that you would find someone who would treat you the way you deserved to be treated and whom you would not want to break up with. So, do not get back to an Ex because you deserve better.

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Wrong Reasons to Get Back to an Ex Boyfriend

I see many people wanting to go back to their ex after the breakup. Why do you want to go back to an ex? Is going back to an ex Boyfriend the right thing to do? Before getting back to an ex it is important to have an answer to these questions. Women go back to their ex for several reasons, including some wrong ones too.

Some of the right reasons to get back to an ex can be your love for him, realization that he is the one or because the reason for the break up was a misunderstanding which has cleared now. There can be many wrong reasons why women get back to their ex too. Getting back to ex for wrong reasons can be a recipe for disaster which may end up in a worse breakup and hurt. Given are some wrong reasons or motivations people use to get back together with their ex.

You are lonely: You have being emotionally dependent on your ex for long and now you are feeling lost or lonely without him and miss him a lot. But you need to understand that this is only a temporary phase and you would be right soon without him.
Your friends and family are forcing you to get back to him: Many times friends and family tend to interfere with what you need to do and what not to do. Many times women are forced by their family or friends to go back to an ex. Remember that you are the one who need to make the relationship work and not them so you should do what you want to do and do not let others decide for you.
You do not want to stay Single: It has become a habit for you to be with him. You would rather not spend time finding another guy or getting to know him but would prefer being together with him because being single pisses you off.
You want revenge: Your Ex dumped you and you want to take revenge on him. Who is he to dump you? You would rather get him back and then dump him. But you tend to forget that in your madness for revenge you are wasting your time and may hurt yourself emotionally.
You remember the happier times together: The happier moments you spend with ex makes you want to go back to him again. But you tend to forget that they are history now and that there are differences between you which have caused you to break up at the first place. It is foolishness to forget about all of the bad things which has happened between you because you have an emotional void that you need to fill.
You have a bet to keep: You have a bet to keep that you would get your guy back.
You expect him to change: You are getting back to him on hope that he would change one day. But life is too short to waste hoping that the ex would change one day. The fact is that people do not change that fast.
Jealousy: You have broken up with your ex but you cannot stand the thought of him being with another girl so you are getting back to your ex.

A Relationship which is broken would not be the same again like how a broken stick cannot be joined together so that it looks like it was never broken. Differences and troubles are likely to appear again in such relationships that it ends with a worse hurt or pain. So if you wish together get back with your ex only for the right reasons or otherwise do not get back to an ex.

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Why should I get Married? Is Marriage a Necessity?

The other day I was talking to a friend who is 35 and still unmarried when he is plans to get married with his live in girlfriend he asked me, 'Is marriage a necessity?' I replied, 'No, You can be Single and Happy too.'

The institution of marriage is increasingly threatened in our society because of live in relationships where a guy and girl live together under one roof without the ties or responsibilities of marriage. Let us not forget that Marriage is not a new concept but has been around for thousands of years as the way of celebrating the love and commitment between a man and a woman. I am of the opinion that if an individual is not ready to take up the responsibilities which comes along with marriage he or she should not attempt it.

Marriage is a 'lifestyle choice' and not a 'default option'. However, there are several benefits of Marriage. So, why marriage is so important? What is it that makes Marriage a necessity for many?

Unmarried Women, after a certain age, are not treated well by the society. So it becomes a necessity for them to get married to gain the acceptance of society. Moreover, men in love would not want to lose their girlfriends so they would prefer to get married to them.

When you want children you do not want them born out of wedlock. How much ever the society is advanced children of unmarried parents is not treated well. So it is not wrong to say that marriage promotes the common good by building families and raising children.

When you are single you tend to get into immoralities and bad habits. Marriage can make an individual more responsible and also help to be a better person because you know that there is someone who cares for you and whose life is depends on you.

Marriage helps one to gain social acceptance and legal rights apart from the feel of security that there is someone for you who cares for you and with whom you can share your happiness and sorrow.

By getting married you get a steady and loving life partner who has social and religious acceptance. With the number of sexually transmitted diseases and dangers it is better to have only one partner for sex.

It is known that married people have a longer life expectancy than someone who is Single.

The above given are a few Benefits of Marriage to prove that the institution of marriage is worth safeguarding. However, many people tend to be scared of getting married because they have seen the unhappy marriage of someone who is known to them. Just because there are miserable relationships does not mean that you would have an unhappy marriage too.

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Buying Gifts for Dad on Fathers Day

With the Fathers Day barely a month away many of us are still hunting for gifts for Dad. For many of us choosing a present for Dad is a challenging and daunting task. After all, a Dad is a person who has provided us everything ever since we are born and still continue to support us in whatever way possible. The concept of giving Gifts to father or father like persons in our life like grandfather, step father, father in law, uncle or whoever is like a father to us on Father's Day is a wonderful way to express our gratitude for all the love and support they have given us.

We can never compensate for what our Fathers have done for us but the least we could do is express our gratitude. But what do we give a person who has given us everything in life? However, if we consider his personality, interests and hobbies coming up with a unique gift idea for Dad should not be difficult. Gifts like flowers may not be ideal when it comes to gifts for Dad but he may like manly gifts. If Dad likes fishing or golf, a fish rod or a golf kit would be appreciated by him. Similarly if Dad is someone who likes to be well groomed always gifts like sunglasses, cologne, cufflinks, ties, watch, wallet etc should work well. If Dad likes Gadgets then he should like latest gadgets. Gadgets like Apple iPods, Apple iPhone 3GS, Sony PSP, Garmin Hand held GPS, Blackberry Smart Phone, Digital Camera and Digital Camcorder etc are hot favorites with men. Men are also known to like Video games.

Everyone likes to be appreciated. So it is not wrong to say that a Dad would appreciate it too. Giving Dad a memento or trophy with the words 'Worlds Best Dad' or 'Number 1 Dad' would be a great idea. Similarly a Certificate with such words would not be a bad idea too. Some unique ideas can be writing a poem for him or buying him Lunar Real Estate or naming a star after him. When considering buying presents for father on father's day, birthday or any special day in his life, health options like health insurance policy or health club membership should work well too. In fact anything we know that Dad would like would be an ideal present for him. On second thoughts, I think for a father any gift given by a child would be special no matter how cheap or costly it is. It is the feelings with which we give the gifts make it special one.

On this Father's day which falls on the 3rd week of June (June 20th, 2010) let us take the opportunity to show how much we appreciate him not only by buying Gifts for Dad but also by spending some time with him talking to him and by giving him a warm hug too.

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How should a Woman deal with a cheating Spouse

Infidelity from a spouse is can be hurting and painful to handle. If reports have to be believed more than half of the marriages in the world have some infidelity going on at some point in the relationship and over 60% of the divorces or breakups are due to cheating. So if you are in a relationship it is difficult to be not affected by the infidelity of a partner. A cheating spouse or partner has always remained a hot topic on magazines, news, TV serials and movies. Remember the popularity it got for tiger woods. Many times the media makes it feel like cheating is a norm and very much in fashion and nothing is wrong with it. But the people who have faced the infidelity of a partner know that it is not that easy to wipe away the hurt and get over it. It is also not easy to forgive the person completely as if nothing happened and re-establish the trust in the relationship.

There are so many marriages affected by marital infidelity. Many times just suspicions can ruin a relationship because many couple does not have an idea how to deal with a cheating spouse and do things wrong making things worse between them. The number one rule if you think that your partner is cheating is to confirm your suspicions and not confront your partner without sufficient proof. There can many signs that your spouse is cheating and look for a combination of several signs and gather as much proof as you can before confronting the partner about it.

For many women, the way to deal with a cheating spouse is by keeping silence and behaving as if nothing happened and everything is right in the relationship. It is okay to be forgiving to your partner but just because you close your eyes it does not become night. Just because you pretend that nothing happened does not change the fact that your spouse cheated on you. You have to face the fact one day or the other. It is observed that many times forgiving spouse adultery only makes him or her to continue doing it because they take it for granted that you would forgive them. Also many times spouse adultery come back to haunting again when you have fights or arguments after all you are human and could not completely forgive the person who cause you hurt and want to cause him hurt too. Some women even go to the extent of cheating back on the spouse too to take out their frustration and anger. But what they forget is that every time they do so they are hurting themselves too.

So what is next? Are you going the end of your marriage by walking away or asking for a divorce because your spouse had an affair? It is a pity that many people who take time to start and build a relationship do not put many efforts in saving a marriage. In my opinion, if a relationship is worth saving then all efforts have to be put to save it and also ensure that the infidelity is not repeated. Whatever the reasons to stay in an unhappy marriage or forgive your partners infidelity maybe if you cannot forgive your partner completely and deal with your anger, hurt and frustration it is difficult to make a success of your marriage. Communicate with your partner and understand the real reasons why he was tempted to cheat on you and if you are in any way responsible for it by behavior make amends and improve yourself. If both of you want to put the cheating behind and save your marriage, work together on building it. In fact, a marriage needs more nourishment and care after cheating to make it work and regain the trust.

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16 Wrong Reasons to get Married

Many people stay married for the wrong reasons and many get married for the wrong reasons. Whatever the case there is nothing worse than a bad marriage. 

Here are 16 such wrong reasons for getting married.

Fear of staying Single and Lonely

Liking the Idea of Marriage

Family and Society Pressures

You are getting Older, and most people your age is already married

Accidental Pregnancy

For the sake of Children or To have a baby

Marrying for Money, Property or someone for support

Marriage as an escape route from own family or troubles

Marriage out of pity for the guy/girl

To fill the void in life

To get revenge or out of anger or wanting to get even with someone

Marriage for Visa or Citizenship

Sexual Hunger

Because he/she loves you

Marriage because of blackmail

Because of the beauty of the person

Because of the wealth or family status of the person

… And more

Related Article

Top 10 Wrong Reasons to Stay in a Marriage

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Happy Mother's Day 2010

Wishing all Mothers in this World a very happy Mother's Day,2010.

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How to breakup with a Boyfriend

Breaking up with a Boyfriend can be a hard and painful experience. Many of us get afraid to convey the fact that he is not the one because of the consequences of such an action can create even if the guy we need to get rid of is a jerk. But rather than keeping silent or postponing telling the guy it is best to deal with the subject without delay. The longer you wait it may become harder for you to get out of the relationship.

In this modern age women choose many ways to break up with the boyfriend like SMS, email, e-card, instant messenger, social networking sites, phone, letter etc.  Some women use friends to convey the message across to him. But I think at least you owe it to the guy to break the news in person face to face unless your boyfriend is abusive. It is better to keep the break up quiet and make sure that your boyfriend should be the first person to know about the break up. Be calm, mature and ladylike when you break the news and make sure you tell the guy why you want a break up without any blame games and end the relationship with the respect and dignity it deserves. Make a clean break up and never let the guy have any doubt or false hopes that there may still be something between you or he has a chance to make things right. The place and time you choose to break the news is also of vital importance. Choose a place which is neutral but not too private like a corner and secluded table at a restaurant. Dumping a man in a public place or making him a laughing stock before others can make him go into a revenge mode.

There are many reasons why a woman may dump a man including cheating, lies, and physical abuse. It is quite natural that you may care for an ex even if he has hurt you or hope that he may change. But remember, life is too short to waste in hope. So it is best to ignore him and remove all the relationship clutter from your life so that you can move on with your life. There are hundreds of e-books all over the net with tips and tricks to get an ex boyfriend back or make him a better one. In fact I would say never take an ex back. But when you break with someone you are doing it for a reason and it is best to keep your decision firm and not become soft hearted. Moreover, once a relationship is broken it would never be the same again.

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Why Being Single is a better option than getting married

Many people are these days preferring to be Single than getting married. Some of the reasons which make being single or having a live in relationship a more attractive option than marriage are lack of responsibility and freedom. Many of my Single friends swear that there are more benefits of being Single than there are in getting married.

So, what are the benefits of being Single? Why being single is a better option than getting married? Some of the reasons for being single are listed below.

Fewer Responsibilities

More Freedom

More time for friends and Hobbies

Fewer Expenses and more money in hand to spend

Less Stress

No sharing of Space or belongings

More time to concentrate on Career or Studies

No one to interfere with life

No one to be answerable for

No need to be conscious about appearance or looks

No need to compromise with choices.

Freedom to do whatever pleases you.

No need to bother about forgetting important days or using birth control.

No one would feel threatened or insulted if you use a Vibrator.

…

There is nothing wrong in being Single. Being single does not mean being lonely, depressed or being a failure. At least by being Single you can be happy with who you are, not what he or she wants you to be. But many of those who prefer ‘being Single’ and do not want to get married are those who have witnessed people staying in an unhappy marriage. There is no doubt that Single life can be exciting but there is no guarantee to that. In the same manner just because someone you know have a miserable relationship does not mean that you would have one too. One on my Online friends commented on my article about Being Single and Happy that “Single and young, yes. Single and old, no.  Single and sick, no. Single parent, never.” I should agree that his observation is quite right too.

Related Article


Is Marriage a Necessity

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Wrong ways of Dealing with a Cheating Spouse

Infidelity by a spouse is an extremely painful issue. There are so many Marriages affected by a marital infidelity. Many times marriages which can be saved are ruined by dealing with the issue wrongly. So, how to you deal with a cheating spouse? There are several ways women deal with the issue, including some wrong ways. The one rule if you think that your partner is cheating is to confirm that your suspicions are indeed true and not to confront your partner without sufficient proof. If there is no sufficient proof wait till you gather enough proof. If you confront your partner without proper proof and just on the basis of your suspicion, remember that you also stand a chance to lose your partner because of that.

Here are some wrong ways to deal with spouse infidelity.

Some women attack the spouse verbally with screams and accusations and let the neighbors and all the sundry know about it.

Some women turn a blind eye even when they know that the husband is cheating. Just because you ignore the issue and behave as if all is right in your relationship, the fact that your spouse has cheated do not change. You have to face the issue at one point or the other.

Some women feel so hurt and frustrated that they indulge in self damaging by hurting or torturing themselves because they feel worthless or their ego hurt because of their partners cheating. Some even go into conditions like depression. They may feel angry, humiliated, betrayed that they sob their heart out.

Some women just go to extremes by choosing to walk out or go for divorce when they find that their partner has cheated on them. You may have reasons to do so because once trust is broken it is difficult to re-build it again but I also think that the man deserves a second chance to make things right.

Some women forgive their partner but even when there is a minor fight they bring back the issue of marital infidelity because they could not forgive the guy for what he did from heart.

Some women get into a revenge mode where they even go to the extent of sleeping with strangers. That is what a friend of mine did when she discovered that her husband was cheating on her with his secretary. My friend is what anyone would call a perfect wife and I was shocked to know that her husband would cause her hurt by sleeping with his secretary. On her anger and frustration she went and slept with a complete stranger before confronting the husband with proof that she knows that he cheated on her… The couple is still together and the marital infidelity is behind them and my friend still keeps her ‘dirty little secret’. I am in no way justifying what she did is right because just because your partner cheated on you , it is not necessary for you to stoop to that level too. If my friend was lucky another acquaintance of mine was not as lucky. When she confessed to her husband that she cheated on him too because she felt guilty later, her husband left her. No matter how a man behaves, it is noticed that when it comes to spouse infidelity a man may not be as forgiving as a women. So, how do you deal with infidelity? Pick the right moment to tell your spouse that you know about his cheating and ask for an explanation. If he is willing to change and promises never to do it again there is nothing wrong in giving him a second chance to prove his love and loyalty to you. If there is a chance to stop the divorce and save your marriage then you should try your level best to do so.

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How to Avoid Being An Obsessive Girlfriend

Ask any Man if he would like to have an obsessive girlfriend and I am sure the answer would not be a very positive one. In fact, one of the sure fire ways to chase a man out of your life is by being obsessive than the other way round. If you are obsessive, probably you are digging the grave of your own relationship. So, how to avoid being an obsessive girlfriend?

Acknowledge him and accept him as he is and not try to transform him to suit your liking. Every individual is different and let him be what he is.

Give him space. Understand that he has a life apart from you too. He has friends, colleagues and familytoo which are part of him life apart from his hobbies and passions.

If you feel that you are becoming too interfering and obsessive it is because you do not have a life yourself and your only interest is him. You should indulge in activities which makes you happy. You should make friends, involve in family activities and hobbies or do anything you find fascinating or would like to be skilled at.

Know to read his body language and recognize when to pull back or leave him alone.

If you have the habit of calling him every half an hour stop it immediately. A man has other things to do other than attending your calls apart from his work. If you are too interfering then the chances are that he would dump you soon because no guy wishes to have an interfering girlfriend.

Try analyzing what makes you feel obsessive. Is it fear of being alone? Fear of rejection? Try working on your confidence so that you overcome your fears, insecurity and negativity.

If you have the habit of stalking him so that you can check up on him then you clearly lack trust in your relationship without which no relationship can survive for long. So work on bringing trust into your relationship.

Consider his opinion or suggestions when making plans together and do not force your opinion or likings on him and make him feel trapped into spending time with you.

While talking do not dominate always. Ask question and listen to him as well.

When spending time with him try spending quality time together. Remember it is not quantity but quality that matters. So try your level best to make the time memorable so that he would want to spend time with you more.

Do not always say ‘yes’ when he wants to meet you say ‘no’ once in a while too. If you jump to meet him every time he wants to see you will seem too desperate.

Remember that a woman's tendency is to be clingier can drive men away. So check out ‘ Are you an obsessive Girlfriend' and if you are work towards not being so. If necessary do not be reluctant to take Expert help because it is something which can ruin your relationship.

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