A few days ago while talking to an ex colleague I asked him if he got a girlfriend by now or not. This guy as far as I remembered never was into any steady relationship. While we worked together he was fascinated by me but I never encouraged it as I was in a committed relationship. He told me that no girl is interested in him to the extent of making him her boyfriend. This Guy whom I am talking works in a reputed Bank as a Manager and is in a position where he needs to interact with a lot of people. So there is no way opportunity of meeting new people (read girls) would have been a problem. I suggested that we meet out for a Coffee on Sunday as we have not met for over 2 years and that he can accompany me to a movie which I had wanted to see. He agreed and we met at the Shopping Mall near my place. I noticed that he was giving a lot of wrong signals while we were together. After coming back home I thought that this could be a nice and useful topic to write on as many people are unaware of things they do wrong and unknowingly which may offend their date.
Things to remember on a First Date
Your First Date etiquette plays a major role in enticing your date to meet you again. So here are some things to remember when you meet someone on a date for the first time.
Are you listening or are you the dominating talker? It is wrong when you dominate the conversation and not let your date to even open their mouth. A good date would be where both the people are equally participating. Ask open ended questions to your date if they are too shy and do not talk much to make them comfortable enough to talk to you. Make the effort to lean toward her. It shows you're interested. Avoid bragging about your Bank Account and position in the society/ institution to impress your date as it is considered rude. There are many topics to avoid on a first date, steer clear of these taboo topics. Your looks and confidence will communicate your social worth without you saying it. Also make it a point to listen while your date talks. Let your date know that you are interested in the conversation and paying attention by nodding. Also asking questions related to the conversation is a good idea. However, it is important that you do not overdo it or nod absent minded without listening. Do not fake it but listen to what your date is saying genuinely. Also it is advisable to keep your mobile phone on silent or vibration mode and give your undivided attention to your date.
Physical Contact: When you are on a date it is very important for you to maintain the right amount of physical contact and not overdo it. I remember a Guy who almost made me feel threatened by his behavior. I went to meet this ex-colleague of mine for a Coffee when he called me after getting my telephone number from a best friend who still works in that Organization. Though I and this Guy used to interact at work our communication was strictly professional and we were never what anyone could call friends. When he saw me at the Coffee Shop he hugged me so tight that I thought that my bones are broken. It would have been okay if he welcomed me with a hand shake or a gentle one shoulder hug (I can even justify that as we have worked together for almost a year and we were seeing after a year). My terror did not end there as this Guy was playing footsie with me despite of my best efforts to avoid it. When I suggested that he come and sit on my side giving space to the couple who was looking for a seat in the busy Coffee Shop he came and sat so close to me though there was plenty of space that I felt that he would pounce at me any moment. It goes without saying that it was the last time I met him and despite of many calls and efforts from his side I did not want to meet him again. My point here is that it is very important that you decide on the type of physical contact after taking into consideration the time you have known each other or the closeness you have with your date. If your date is your friend it may be okay to do a gentle one shoulder hug or a kiss on cheek but if your date is someone who you do not know well it is safe to go for a hand shake. If you are romantically interested in your date avoid the pat on the back. You can also compliment on your date or offer a flower to be more impressive if you are looking for a warm response from your date. Avoid sitting too close to your date to the extent that they feel uncomfortable and avoid too much physical touch especially if it is a first date. You can do that if you get positive signs of interest from your date or after a couple of meetings. It is better to be safe than sorry as you may come out too strong and scare your date off. Though you should sit with your body and feet pointing towards the person you are having the conversation with it is advisable to avoid touching their feet with your feet. Sitting with body and feet pointed sideways gives a sign of disinterest from your side to your date which I am sure is not what you want.
Smile and Eye Contact: Maintaining eye contact with your date can give a feeling of genuine interest and honesty. However make sure that you don’t overdo it by staring at them and making them feel threatened. Let your glance be casual but firm and not too intense. Avert your eyes away for a few seconds before you look into their eyes again. While a casual glance is okay avoid staring at the assets of your date. Avoid stay eyes and keep your eyes set on your dates face even if there is a Miss Universe having dinner alone in the same room as you. Some people are seen watching the TV at the Coffee Shop or Restaurant while on a date which is very rude as well. It is advisable that you wear a smile while on a date. As per a quote by Phyllis Diller, ‘smile is a curve that sets everything straight’. Smiling is a reassuring and welcoming gesture but make sure you do not overdo it and look like a joker.
Being in Sync with your Date: Being in sync with your date is a great way to show your interest. When we mirror someone else, they tend to feel more comfortable around us.
Avoid Defensive Body Language: Body language is the best non verbal communication that exists between people. Right body language is in fact the single most effective way of making a good impression right from the start. Avoid crossing your arms in front of the chest or keeping hands subconsciously protecting the groin area. It gives an impression of you being closed off. Use open arm movements to make your date feel welcome and comfortable with you. Do not clutch or hind your hands. Don’t fiddle with things around you when on date as this is an indication of low self confidence and nervousness apart from giving the date an impression of lack of interest from your part. Making fast movements while talking or eating is also a sign of nervousness and lack of confidence. Also avoid touching your face or ears as this is a sign of insecurity or nervousness.
More Tips on First Date etiquette's: It goes without saying that Body Odor, Bad breath, dirty finger nails, smelly feet and shabby dressing should be avoided at any cost while dating. Even if you do not master or display all what is written in Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why by Peter Post using a bit of classic etiquette can go a long way in impressing a date.
Image Courtesy: salvage @Flickr
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